Posted by: thepinetree on 08/28/2010 08:57 AM
Updated by: thepinetree on 08/29/2010 07:19 PM
Expires: 01/01/2015 12:00 AM
:
Living With Grief? There is Hope and You are not Alone. ~ By Michael Milward
Our community has suffered from many significant losses in the past year, months and weeks. I am writing at the request of John and Kim in an effort to support those in our community who are grieving. There is, of course, so much to say on this topic, and so little space and time within which to make the effort to say it....
Here are some observations about grief that are important and may be
helpful:
1) grief is not something we fix - or that can be fixed. It is something we
accompany when supporting others who are grieving and something that we
learn to live with ourselves. An effort to encourage people who are
grieving with words like closure, mis-understand the process and can tend to
be judgmental.
2). Grief can and does change over time, however it is not a linear
progression, it comes and goes and then comes again, surprising us with the
intensity with which it can and does return to us. It is the flip side of
our love. If our love never ends, it is unrealistic to think that our grief
ever completely goes away.
3). There are many physical symptoms of grief, including an inability to
sleep or sleeping all the time, a loss of appetite and many others. These
and many other symptoms are normal responses of a grieving person.
4). We live in a culture that is uncomfortable with and/or afraid of death
and loss. Thus, a grieving person often finds themselves alone in their
grief, unable to talk about their special person. And, it is helpful to be
able to tell stories and unpack our feelings and memories about both the
life and death of our special person.
5). Grief support groups or one on one grief counseling are most helpful
because they allow and offer a unique space in which it is ok to talk about
your loss and all of the ramifications of the loss.
6). Death and loss is very different for children and teens. They will
experience and process their grief much differently than adults. Experienced
grief counselors understand and are trained in this regard.
7). Sudden death, death by accident or trauma, suicide - all can result in
"complicated" grief, as compared to death resulting from a progressive
terminal illness. Again, experienced grief counselors understand these
distinctions.
Hospice of Amador and Calaveras offers grief support services. You can call
Nancy Kearns, bereavement coordinator, at 223-5500. Mike Milward can be
reached at 795-0271.
Local Attorney Mike Milward has worked with Hospice doing
bereavement support work for the past 15 years, both in our community and in
the bay area. He specializes in working with children and teens and has
both written and taught on the subject.
