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Posted by: Kim_Hamilton on 01/16/2008 05:06 PM Updated by: Kim_Hamilton on 01/16/2008 05:06 PM
Expires: 01/01/2013 12:00 AM
:

Thoughts on the Rules of Engagement~By Karen Wildwood

Being resingle typically leads to reentry into the dating life, which, in turn, feels a bit like a space shuttle coming into atmospheric reentry. Scorching comes to mind when faced with this reality, because it’s fast, it’s hot and it could either turn out well with a relatively smooth landing or disastrously with a lot of blackened earth in a swath behind you...


One of the sticklers on being resingle is not only who you choose to date, but also the rules of dating, or engagement, that seem to change in every generation. This process leads to some confusion for those coming back into the marketplace especially if it’s been a while since you’ve actually been out in the marketplace.

When you’re in a long standing committed relationship and come out of it, you find out very quickly that it’s one thing to stand by and watch your friends trying to navigate the stalls, but, it’s quite another when you have to navigate them yourself.

The funny thing about dating in today’s world, with the interconnectedness that the internet brings, is the fact that a lot of people are actually engaging in long distance dating which can be a good or bad thing. It’s also a very different thing from the past when long distance relationships were the relatively rare.

Years ago when I was on the dating scene for the first time, there was the fact, as one of my male friends pointed out to me once, that most men had a 25-minute rule. He told me about this when I was bewildered about a dating prospect that had a lot of potential but didn’t go far even though he only lived 45-minutes away. At the time I did know guys who would drive to the ends of the earth to be with the girl they really were into, but, I did notice that a lot of them didn’t seem to date anyone who was more than a 25-minute drive away. So, I had to concede the fact that maybe that particular guy just wasn’t that interested in me to drive the 45-minutes, and, I moved on.

For those of you who were not aware of this rule, the 25-minute rule, basically, if written down, would state that if a woman lives more than 25-minutes away, then there is no point in dating her. The catch in today’s world to that particular rule is the whole internet dating thing in which most people are actually a long way away from each other.

So, this is the strange thing about all these rules of dating. Because of the interconnectedness and the internet dating scene, the natural assumption for someone who is reentering the dating world would be that the 25-minute rule has gone by the wayside in favor of dating who you like no matter where they are, inclusive of the pitfalls of long distance dating.

Not so.

According to my sources, otherwise known as the guys, they still would rather date someone who is less than a 25-minute drive away. Which makes you wonder if the men who are actively looking for long distance relationships through the internet want to actually date a woman at all or are just wanting a emotional jump start or connection that will never enter the realm of reality.

And, this precisely is why being resingle can be so confusing. You think that a rule or standard of dating is passé because of the surface appearance of things, only to find that it’s not. It still exists, it’s just not acknowledged in the same way.


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