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Posted by: Kim_Hamilton on 02/07/2008 08:51 AM Updated by: Kim_Hamilton on 02/07/2008 08:52 AM
Expires: 01/01/2013 12:00 AM
:

“You’re Better Off In One Room With A Crust of Bread”~By Karen Wildwood

Woman, it seems, more than men change more than a little when they enter into a relationship. It’s a sad state of affairs, but, they are usually so caught up in the whole romantic notion of being in a relationship, that they will do almost anything to make the relationship work, even if it means not being true to themselves....


When most of us are first in a relationship those pesky little things that bug us deep down and should - and in all honesty sometimes do - give us pause are colored by the rose tinted glasses that we have firmly planted in front of our eyes. During the time we are in the throes of first getting to know someone, everything they do is wonderful and even if they don’t behave in a way that we think they should - or would have accepted in a previous relationship - we are quick to make excuses for them or overlook that particular behavior because of our own feelings and need to be in the relationship.

It’s those things that we most need to take a closer look at, even if it means that we have to slow down in the relationship, or even if, at the end of taking a closer look, we decide the relationship isn’t for us.

One thing that women seem to do more than men - and remember this is from a woman’s perspective - is to try too hard to make sure the relationship works, by not making waves. Read this as almost always doing what he wants to do, making excuses for him in a variety of situations, like when he doesn’t remember he made plans with you, or doesn’t remember to introduce you when you’re out and run into his friends, or even something seemingly trivial like not paying attention to the fact that you always drink coffee and as a result, he always brings you tea or worse, nothing at all, etc. These may seem like little nit picky things, but if he’s like this at the beginning of a relationship, he’s not going to get better as time goes on. And that goes both ways too.

I’ve seen women who are extremely capable, educated and successful turn into pansies when they’re in the beginning of a relationship. This seems to be because they’re so afraid of making waves and possibly losing the relationship, that they feel like they need to accept whatever behavior comes their way.

This is actually a major red flag in the woman. If she does this, then she needs to really do some soul searching as to why she feels she can’t express herself or is afraid of making waves in the relationship. At the end of the day it points to not feeling good enough about yourself to be yourself. I once read a quote by a woman who was successful both in her relationships and her business that pertains to women who don’t feel like they can express, or be, themselves. Basically it read that women should “Opinionate, opinionate, opinionate, because the only man you’ll be scaring off is your future ex-husband.” Scary, but true.


The catch-22 of this situation is that it sets the tenor for the relationship as a whole. If you are behaving in a way that is not true to yourself and ignoring things that bother you, then sooner or later, usually later, when you feel like you can’t stand it any longer and want to be yourself, you essentially blindside that other person. So, they feel like you’ve changed in how you are, when in actual fact you’re just not catering to them so much anymore.

Now, I know that men do this too. At the beginning of a relationship they behave in a way that is going to put their best foot forward. But, I have rarely seen men sublimate themselves at the beginning of a relationship the way that women do.

The solution to all this? It’s simple, just be yourself and if the person you’re involved with can’t accept it, then you really don’t need to be in a relationship with them anyway. As my Grandmother used to say about being in a bad relationship, “You’re better off by yourself in one room with a crust of bread.”


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