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Posted by: thepinetree on 08/26/2008 12:54 PM Updated by: thepinetree on 08/26/2008 12:55 PM
Expires: 01/01/2013 12:00 AM
:



The Speed Limit of the Gnat~by the PineTree Pedaler, Brett Loring

If you spend any time in the great outdoors, whether along the Stanislaus River or on your redwood deck, no doubt you have experienced the maddening buzzing in your face of not only mosquitoes, but their cousin, the annoying gnat. The presence of gnats is particularly irritating when you are performing an activity that does not allow you to freely swat at them; for example, using a power tool, balancing on a ladder, or riding a bicycle up a steep grade. (Do not attempt to eliminate a gnat while sawing a sheet of plywood or while cleaning gutters.) The benefit of the latter activity is that you can typically “out-run,” or out-pedal assailing gnats while increasing your workout. At least this has....


proved to be the case for me with the gnats that reside in the area of the uphill sections of Jesus-Maria Road. On that stretch of road while cranking uphill, I have clocked combative gnats at 7.2 m.p.h. But just one-tenth of a mile per hour over that puts me in the gnat-free zone. Fortunately, the little buggers can’t keep even up with half the speed of an Olympic runner.

Gnats come in assorted shapes and sizes. There is the miniscule critter that ends up floating in your lemonade and dead on your windowsills, likely seeking light, at the end of summer. Then there is the midsize version, almost like a sub-compact housefly, that hovers around your face at the most inconvenient times. These could be any variety of midges including fruit flies, fungus gnats, moth flies, drain flies, and "no-seeums.” Though they don’t bite, they buzz and land, hover and flit, creating a nuisance whether you’re a human being or a piece of rotting fruit, which by the way is another attractant for gnats besides human sweat. Most varieties of gnats have a simple life cycle: feed on gross stuff, mate, lay eggs on organic matter, and die – about a 5-week process. You’ll notice these insects en masse mostly during the summer.

From cinnamon to sweet coffee, and maple syrup to salsa in a partially-sealed zip-lock bag, everybody seems to have their own solution for gnat eradication. My main interest would be to keep them from alighting on me and buzzing in my ears. Besides outrunning them, the best remedy for staving off these bothersome bugs seems to be harsh products containing DEET or malathion. At home, I’ll go for the spray, but on the bike to keep repellent from sweating into my eyes, I guess I’ll just plan on taking those hills at 7.3 miles per hour.

(This account was inspired by a real-life incident while writing this article on the shore of Lake Alpine.)



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